Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
