Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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