My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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