you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
