I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
