He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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