I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize