i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
