Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
