also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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