Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
