It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
