Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
