there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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