A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
