You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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