I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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