The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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