I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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