Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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