Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
