he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
