6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
