Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
