Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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