Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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