we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
