Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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