two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
