i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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