His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
