When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
