I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
