The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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