Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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