why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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