Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
