How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
