3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
