I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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