***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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