I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
