these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
