i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
