im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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