Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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