if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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