I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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