It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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