Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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