Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
