I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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