So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
