I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
