Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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