my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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