dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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