Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
