she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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