i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
