Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
