Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You took a bar mat shot.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
