Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
