Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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