those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
