Just cropdusted the office
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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