My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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