awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want her autograph on my taint
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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